New Beginings
by Gilsaragrissom
Summary: From the divorce to sailing away at sea, the untold story of Gil and Sara's marriage.
1. Chapter 1

She knew when she left her life in France with Gil to help out the team at Ecklie's request that it wouldn't be easy. She knew that the long distance would be hard, that it would take a toll on their relationship. But she never expected for it to get to this point.

Her phone buzzed again, his name lighting up the screen. And again she silenced it, leaving the call unanswered.

Had it really been five years? Five years since they'd lived together in France for the brief amount of time? She felt a pang in her heart as she reminisced on their time together there:

 _Sun filtered through the thin curtains. His heartbeat loud in her ears as her head rested effortlessly on his bare chest. She stirred to consciousness, the feeling of his thumb stroking circles on her back became more vivid. He kissed the top of her head:_

 _"Good morning." He smiled._

 _She lifted her head as she stretched the sleepiness away. Grissom got up and walked towards the bathroom. The sound of the shower filled the room._

 _"I've got a class in 20min." he called to her from the bathroom. The echo of his voice let her know he was already in the shower._

 _"Want to grab lunch at 12?"_

 _"Sounds great" she called back._

 _Roughly half an hour after he left she got up and ready for the day herself. She wandered onto campus. Remembering her own days as a student and suddenly remembered how dearly she missed those days._

 _She couldn't help herself, her feet lead her straight to his lecture hall. Effortlessly, Sara slipped into the class without notice. He was just in the middle of explaining the entomological timeline._

 _Student shuffled papers, signaling the end of class._

 _"If there are no further questions we can dismiss early."_

 _Sara's hand rose automatically. He caught sight of her and stifled a laugh. The students rose and exited as she made her way to the front._

 _Flashing his boyish grin, "Well that brought back memories... You ready for lunch?"_

 _"_ Sara."

Her head snapped up to see D.B standing there.

"You going to get that?"

Her phone rang again, and again she let it go to voicemail.

"No, no. It's nothing. You said you have a case?"

"Yeah, 419 in Henderson. Greg's already there."


	2. Chapter 2

It had been three days since she last ignored a call from him. In those three days she had would a triple shift on two homicides. Her legs ached and her head throbbed. She needed to go home- but the thought of entering that house terrified her.

Just the idea that her relationship with Gil may be over made her sick to her stomach. The idea of having to have those thoughts while surrounded by the items from the life they once shared together was unbearable.

She stood in office wrapping up final thoughts on the case. He sat behind his desk, the one that was once occupied by her husband. His pet spiders and the piles of paperwork he never wanted to do.

D.B kept things much neater. Only a small pile of unfinished paperwork stacked neatly on his desk.

Her phone rang. D.B stood,

"Take the call, Sara. You can't run forever."

He put an encouraging hand on her shoulder before exiting his office. She was left standing alone, the vibrating phone still ringing in the palm of her hand.

This room had played such a big part in their relationship. The hushed conversations, intimate consolings after tough cases... And now she were to face the reality of what has become of their relationship within the same confines.

Sara inhaled deeply before answering.

"Sara, we need to talk."

"I'm listening." Her tone was short and harsh, and as much as she tried, she couldn't help it.

"I've been trying to call you for a while now."

"I've been busy."

"I don't know what to do about this."

She laughed, those words too familiar. "Seems to be a theme here."

She could hear him sigh. And then something else, "Grissom, we're heading out in 10." A women's voice spoke. Sara lost her breath.

"Where are you?"

"I've taken a new research project... I ship out today, that's why I was trying to reach you... I-"

"Where are you going?"

"Out to sea, it's part of a marine exploration-"

"Out to sea... When were you going to tell me this?"

"I don't know what to do about this Sara-"

"It looks like you've made your decision. Just send me your itinerary..." Softly she added, "Goodbye, Gil."

She hung up, tears welling behind her eyes. She looked at the clock, mentally noting the time of death of their relationship.

Later that morning she finally brought herself to go home. The long days had truly taken a full toll on her.

Keying her way in, she was immediately assaulted by the memories of their life together. The photos perched on the mantle, the framed butterfly they'd brought back from Costa Rico, the blanket his mother knit them sprawled over the sofa.

She collapsed in the doorway sobbing. Letting herself succumb to the physical and emotional exhaustion that she had been suppressing. Just as the sobs began to subside her phone buzzed and an email pushed to her home screen-from Gil.

The subject simply read "Grissom-009672 Itinerary" And in typical Grissom fashion, there was no note, no explanation, just the hard facts of where he'll be and when and how to get a hold of him over the next 16 months.

She pictured him out there with nothing but expansive deep blue ocean around him. She couldn't help but smile slightly. She had come into his life and set him free from the chains of Las Vegas, how could she insist he revert to his old ways, insist he abandon his newly found free spirit. It was her doing after all.

As she sat there on the floor, she came to terms with the reality. To force him back here wouldn't do either of them good. But she couldn't leave now. She finally felt a sense of purpose in her work again.

She sighed deeply knowing what she must do. And so she set out to do it- set him free.


	3. Chapter 3

Over the next few days, Sara gathered the necessary paperwork to give Grissom the the official out he needed to move on. She signed the pages on the appropriate lines, initialing where needed. Inescapable tears left her eyes, gently falling on the papers and slightly smudging ink. Once done, she stuffed everything into a large manilla envelope along with a small piece of paper that simply read, _I hope you find what you're looking for out there. -Sara._

Her heart was broken, and she could feel herself sinking further and further away from herself. Bringing herself to mail the package was one of the hardest things she had to do in a long time—but something she deemed necessary.

Weeks passed and Grissom not once tried to contacted her. Eventually the pain dulled and Sara pulled herself back out of the trenches. Pushing down her feelings, her loneliness, her longing. She needed to at least pretend to move on so that her life could continue.

He had been at sea for two week before porting off the coast of Namibia. He had only been to Africa twice prior, and was excited to be on solid land again—especially one with such exotic critters.

Each port they arrived at would have a package of supplies for them including any mail waiting. By the time Grissom returned to the ship after exploring the small port town, it was dark and the night air felt crisp. He returned to his cot to find a large envelope lying there. Carefully, he picked up the parcel and read his name scrawled across the front in Sara's unmistakable chicken scratch. The corners of this moth turned up at the sight of it, excited to see its contents.

He sat on the cot and carefully lifted the edges of the envelope.

"Gil."

Grissom looked up to find Margaret standing before him.

"Did you enjoy your time in the port city?"

Grissom smiled, "I did. And yourself?"

She nodded timidly. Margaret was a soft spoken woman only ten years his junior. She had a passion for getting lost in the blurred edges of science and her own moral compass—something Grissom had come to admire.

"I see you got a package. That's always a nice surprise."

He nodded. "Well, I leave you to it then. I did find some interesting marks on the shark carcass we pulled last night. Think you'd find it rather interesting when you have a moment." She smiled smally, "Come stop by."

"I will."

And with that Margaret excited the bunking quarters leaving Grissom to return his attention back to the item in his hands.

He reached in to pull out what was soon revealed to be a large stack of papers. Reaching for his reading glass, he perched them upon his nose, focusing in on the small text "Petition for Divorce." The papers slipped from his hands, making a large thud against the ship floor.

As they fell, Sara's note slipped out, landing at his feet. He thumbed over her handwriting in disbelief and pinched the bridge of his nose as he leaned back against his pillow.

 _How had it come to this?_

The idea of parting ways was breaking his heart but, if he were to be honest with himself, they hadn't really been together in a long time. Not the way the used to be. Not the way they should be. His own words echoed through his head, _a relationship in stasis withers._

He closed his eyes, allowing himself to feel her in his eyes and hearts delight.

" _You've always been a little more than a boss to me." He looked up at her. Her big brown eyes penetrating him._

 _He could feel her smooth hand stroke his bearded face. Her soft laugh escaping her thin lips. He recalled the moment he had decided to let her in. He remembered watching her at a crime scene. Her mind wrapped up in thoughts, working her way through what must have happened. She began to talk it through outloud. And he remembered not really being able to hear her, his own thoughts overpowering him._

' _I could love her' 'I could risk my career for her' 'I could try to be worthy of her love'_

 _This had come after a few key events, a victim a few weeks prior that bared an eerie resemblance to Sara, a recently failed relationship between Sara and Hank Pettigrew, and His own intellectual affair with Heather Kessler._

 _It had been weeks from that moment until he let his desire for her overcome is careful plans to court her appropriately. He recalled it was a Sunday… just after a long and particularly heard double shift._

Grissom willed himself from his thoughts and was left staring at the papers by his feet. The harsh reality of his currently life resurfaced, realizing those memories will now permanently just be that. He quickly gathered up the items and stuffed them under his cot mattress. While the papers were now out of view, the feelings wouldn't disappear as easily. Sorrow filled him to his core.


	4. Chapter 4

"You didn't come by last night."

Grissom looked up to find Margret standing beside him, staring out into the depth of the ocean. He stumbled to find the right words,

"I- I got caught up… I'm sorry."

"Thats okay!" She was cheerful, young and youthful. Her energetic demeanor usually cheered him up—but not today.

"Come by later. Trust me, you'll want to see this."

Grissom nodded as he continued to stare out into the abyss.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Grissom looked up, perplexed. He began to mouth the beginnings of a sentence, but nothing came out.

"Its just—you seem a bit off." She covered his hand that rested on the railing. "I'm here if you need someone to talk to…" Her voice trailed off apprehensively.

"Thats kind, thank you. But I'm fine, really." He pulled his wedding band clad hand away.

And with that, he walked away. Her eyes followed him as he disappeared around the corner.

Grissom found his way back to the bunking quarters and collapsed on his cot. Holding his phone in his hand he tried to dial her number. Perhaps he could talk some sense into her? Perhaps he could find the words to make this right?

His fingers began to dial. He only had two bars of service, but apparently it was enough to connect.

"Hello" The voice answered.

"Heather." Grissom said systematically, feeling some tension resolve just from hearing her voice.

"Gil, what do I owe the pleasure?"

Grissom began to tell Heather about his failing marriage. About the long distance, countless missed phone calls—the fact that he and Sara hadn't had a real conversation in over a year… and that they hadn't seen each other in event longer.

His mind drifted to the last time they were together…

 _"Sara…" Her name escaped his lips effortlessly as she smiled back at him with her signature gap-tooth grin._

 _"It's me."_

 _He engulfed her in a hug, feeling her press against him. They stood there for a while before he took a step back to look at her._

 _"You look good." He noted. She shyly looked down at her feet._

 _At the time, he had been in the UK, studying colony collapse disorder in Europe—where the location had seen a 30% drop in bee population in one year alone. The work he had been doing there felt fulfilling and important. Sara was still in Vegas, doing what she felt was the same for her._

He remembered bringing her back to his small loft. _I was wondering where this picture went._

 _She indicated to a framed photo of the two of them he kept by his bedside table, the one they had taken in front of the Golden Gate Bridge all those years ago._

 _He smiled sheepishly as she thumbed over it, "I—I like to believe thats when our relationship started."_

 _"I know." She laughed. That laugh sent chills down his spine, "You told Ecklie as much during that whole post-kidnapping ordeal."_

 _Her ease at talking about the kidnapping told him she truly had come so far. His heart was full. Grissom crossed the room to stand in front of her. At this point, they hand't seen each other in more than four months._

 _He placed a hand on her cheek, tucking his fingers beneath her soft curls, wrapping around to the back of her head as he brought her in for a deep passionate kiss. She fell back onto the bed, bringing him down with her. They began to move in unison, easily picking up right where the left off._

 _He deepened this kiss as she arched her back into him. Her warm breath touching his neck now._

"How are you copping?"

He was instantaneously snapped out of his thoughts as Heather probed further.

"I don't know." He answered honestly.

"Are you going to sign the papers?"

"I think I have to…"

"Well…" Heather began, "Lets take a trip down memory lane. Lets think about how your relationship truly has been since you resigned from the lab to follow her to Costa Rico. Let's not sugar coat this with the warm and fuzzy feelings you get look back at the good."

He didn't respond, just nodded—knowing she couldn't see him.

She continued, "Well, we'll back up just a little further. After the ordeal—" He knew exactly what she referred to. The moment their life together was made public, when her demands came back to haunt her. "You asked Sara to marry you."

"I did."

"Did you do this because you loved her? Because you felt sorry for her after the ordeal? Or because you felt her slipping away and wanted to try anything, desperately trying to keep her there and safe?"

Grissom's through felt tight, "What?"

"Be honest."

"I loved her—I love her."

"At the time."

"I did, I loved her" A long moment past. "But I could also feel her slipping away."

"After the proposal, things weren't magically better were they? She was still slipping away, reverting into the darkness and you couldn't keep her in the light, could you?"

"No." His voice small.

"So she left. She did what she needed to do. She left the lab. She left Vegas. She left you."

"I—"

"Next, your dear colleague was murdered. She came back to pay her respects, to make sure you were doing alright."

"yes—"

"Then she left a second time. She left the team that was already short, she left Vegas and the memories she couldn't seem to escape, and she left you—again."

Grissom cupped his face in his hands. "Yes." He chocked back tears that threatened to fall.

"She went to Costa Rico, chasing the sunlight. Escaping the death of Vegas. And you followed her. You chose her. Once her trip to Costa Rico was through, you decided to explore Europe together. Subsequently getting a position at the university in France."

"Look—Heather… I know our timeline I—"

"Let me finish Gil." Her stern voice put him in his place for the moment. "It was only a matter of time before she found an excuse to leave again. This time, the team was short and she needed to prove to herself that she could face Vegas again. But you had already committed to the professorship, you couldn't leave and she knew that."

"Yes.."

"You saw each less and less frequently after that. Visits going from ever few months to ever several months. And after that one visit to London, she never returned, knowing full well that you couldn't face Vegas again—at least not yet."

"I don't see your point here, Heather."

"My point, Gil, Is that you need to open your eyes. She chased you for over six years in the lab. With sexual tension, lingering looks fueling her chase. But once that was gone… so was your relationship."

"I don't agree with that."

"where is she Gil? Is she with you on that boat, following you around the globe like you did for her? Or is she in Vegas? In the one place she needed to escape from?"

"I can't sign these papers. She's the only home I've ever known."

"I know." Heather's voice softened. "But maybe it's time. At the very least, It will give you both some closure on a relationship that withered years ago. And if you find your way back to each other one day—then you'll figure things out from there."

"Heather…"

"You called me for a reason, Gil. I've always been your voice of reason when it came to Sara. You don't have to do this, but I think you should. I think…" She paused a moment to gather her thoughts, "You're sailing the world, Gil. You're the free spirt she always wanted you to be. Embrace it. Find what you're looking for out there. Allow yourself to fall into something. —I have to go, Gil. You have my number if you need me."

The dial went silent. Grissom was left sitting on his cot the papers beneath burned a hole through his mattress as he laid down. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

 _"I've missed you." She breathed. He worked to slowly lift her shirt over her head, revealing her milky white skin. Butterfly kisses lead him down to her core._

 _"Gil…" His name danced on her lips as her hands entangled in his grown out salt and peppered hair. He scooped her up in his arms, holding her tightly as he snapped off his belt. He could feel the vibration of her moan emanate from deep within her throat._

 _When they were together, like this, things were good—they were great. But even in that moment, he couldn't shake the feeling that their conversations had become sparse and restrained. And as they moved in unison, he feared that it may be the last time. A though he quickly suppressed the thought—deeming it implausible. Little did he know at the time that he would be right._


End file.
